Dear Howard Dean,

Hi! I'm not sure you remember me, but I was one of those people that were on your e-mail list back in 2003. You know, when you still thought you could become president?

Yeah...

Don't feel too bad about that one, we for a moment thought you could too! Obviously in our enthusiasm we forgot a few rules in politics. Rules like: just because you're hot on the internet doesn't mean you're hot in real life. Or: just because you raised the most money, it doesn't mean Dick Gephardt will shut his f-ing face and give up. Or in the same category: screaming during a rally, doesn't always make you look good.

Anyhoo, I'm glad you have a new job! Chairman of the Democratic party. Well done! Now, it's obvious that your style is a little different than that of the guy you're replacing, Terry McAuliffe. For example, people actually know you. And you can actually talk. And you have opinions. And you're not afraid to state them.... And that's sort of the problem, isn't it?

See, in the past few weeks you've been in the news for saying you "hated Republicans", you claimed that most Republicans "never made an honest living" in their life and you also said that Tom Delay should be send to jail (which is probably true, but I don't think you should say it). And then last week you said that "(the Republican party) is not very friendly to different kinds of people, they are a pretty monolithic party ... it's pretty much a white, Christian party"..... Ehm, Howie, to quote Jon Stewart: "It's pretty much a white, Christian nation. Shhhh! They can hear you!".

So I figured I'd give you some advice on public speaking. Now, don't mock it! If John Bolton and Jacques Chirac would have followed my advice they would be in a whole lot less trouble right now (... and I would probably be the prime-minister of France, see below). Anyway, my suggestions:

- whenever you plan on saying anything, ask yourself if FOX news is going to have to spin something with your statement. If they don't, for god sakes don't say it!

- right before giving a pressconference, sing along to some music on your Ipod. You know, calm, soothing songs to relax you and get rid of some anger. Like Rage against the machine or something.

- please don't do the entire 360 degrees head spin and please please don't say that Bush's mother is "sucking cock in hell", you tried it once and John Kerry is still not talking to you.

- and for crying out loud DON'T SCREAM! I know states are exciting but it really sends out the wrong message.

See ya during the next Anonymous Rush Limbaugh listeners convention!

Boris