Live

Yesterday I went to see Ben Folds in the Paradiso. Great hall, great guy and a great show. Although I´m not a huge fan of his recent solo work, he played them very well and he threw in a bunch of Ben Folds Five (the band he used to be in, there were only three members... get it?) songs which rocked. I´m bored now so I decided to list the shows I´ve been to, not sure if this is all but I´ve come up with the following:

Zucchero (7 times)
B.B. King (2)
Bruce Springsteen (2)
Solomon Burke (2)
John Fogerty (2)
Joe Cocker (2)
Acda & de Munnik (2)
Ryan Adams (1)
David Gray (1)
Eric Clapton (1)
Ben Lee (1)
Joe Bonamassa (1)
and now Ben Folds (1)

EDIT:

If we count support acts also:

Keb Mo (1), Joe Bonamassa (2), Ralph McTell (1), Clem Snide (1), Robert Randolph & the Family (1)

Solomon Burke

As you may or may not know, Solomon Burke is the self proclaimed King of Rock & Soul. He's also a bishop and has eleven children, but that is not in any way unbishopy. Although most people don't know him very well, he is the kind of musician that you just got to love especially the album "Don't give up on me" which meant his comeback to the limelight.

His most recent album is called "Nashville" because (unsurprisingly) it's country. And it's good! Not as good as "Don't give up on me", but still very good. The below is a videoclip of one of the tracks (although not the best... but still good).

He's coming!

I can't quite explain my love for the Italian hairball featured in the video below. He's slow as hell in releasing stuff, a bit over the top at times, and occasionally wears leather pants (long time ago, last time was in 1999... I think). Still, I think his albums are amazing, and his live performances are absolutely breath taking. And Zucchero is FINALLY coming to Amsterdam again.

So, on May 28, 2007 I shall by making utterly awkward and very painful to watch moves to this song and many others.

The Return of the Sugar Man

Zucchero's new album is called "Fly" and will be on sale next week.

Also, he's entering a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

More info for the few that care, here

Dear David Gray (2),

I haven't heard back from you on living in a corner of my bedroom so I suppose that's a no. I can dig that, also considering that you have a wife and kids and they wouldn't fit in the corner, and I'd probably get annoyed by them so no prob.

But one thing; this entire "two to three years" of doing nothing deal now that your "Life in Slowmotion" tour is over...: No. Puhleeeaaase No. PUHLEEEAAAASEE NO!

True, true. Zucchero will have a new album out in late September so that should keep me occupied for a few months. After that he'll tour so that too will keep me entertained, but that'll be over by the end of 2007 and we all know how notoriously fucking slow he works.

Springsteen's touring now, but the Seeger sessions thing is already growing old. Apparently he's working on some new E-Street band stuff, but we both know Bruce; it might be 2011 before that comes out. Granted, Ryan Adams is always interesting, but he's also totally unreliable. You, my friend, are good. Slow in releasing stuff lately. But really good.

Soooo. lets try to schedule this a bit. Let's say that Zucchero will be able to keep me happy untill halfway into 2007. Springsteen then takes over with a poor version of his former self for another 4 months, that gives you untill 2008 to make a new album and tour again. Or to start living in my corner. Really, either is fine with me.

Lemme know!

Love, Boris

PS. In the case two people don't know David Gray; Babylon, Hospital Food, and my personal favorite This Year's Love

Dear Bruce Springsteen (3),

So you got me again.

A few months back you were coming over to Amsterdam to play in the Heineken Music Hall and I decided not to go. The reason was partly that I had no idea what kind of music to expect (turned out it was folk, but not the boring kind but the fun kind with aprox. 9.324 other musicians on stage with you) but mostly because of the prize.

80 f-ing euro for a ticket. Shameless!

Anyway, I obviously immediately regretted not going the moment the gig was sold out. I regretted it even more when I downloaded the album the tour was based on and realized that I really liked the album (the excellent "We Shall Overcome. The Seeger Sessions"). By the time I read the reviews of the concert I was actually slapping myself in the face and I don't think we have to go through the words I used when I saw some footage of the show on TV.

The problem with the entire Springsteen thing is, that there are many reasons not to like you. There's the ticket prices (yeah like you really need another 6,5 million), there's the weird "Oh I'm really in pain when I'm singing this" faces. There's the prostitute related song. There's the annoying chuckle. There's the lack of an E Street Band album and tour in the last four years. And there's the fact that you record a tribute album to Pete Seeger, and then don't include any songs actually written by the man himself (funny? yes. nice to a shriveled 87 year old? not really). And of course, there's Born in the USA (just because I know all the words and sing along when its on the radio doesn't mean I like it. Oh and Zucchero; same goes for "Senza una Donna" buddy).

But in the end, it's just so much more fun to ignore all that and scream along to "Prove it all Night" or "Ramrod" or any of the other brilliant songs you made.

And so, when I heard you were coming back to the Netherlands, I bought a ticket. I know I said I wouldn't, and I don't think I really wanted to, but in the end I had no choice (I was online when the tickets went on sale, so obviously I had to see if I could get through to the website selling the tickets. When I didn't I obviously had to try again every 20 seconds just to see if I could, in theory, buy a ticket. When I did get through... well, you can't not buy a Springsteen ticket when it's right there on the screen, now can you? It makes sense in my head, let me be).

So yes, I'm going to see your show in Rotterdam in october. I'm going to be alone and I'm going to have a fairly crappy seat probably next to smelly people who are going to complain that you're not playing "Born to Run". You better be worth it.

Love, Boris

PS. Not only is Michael Bolton still alive, he's making a come-back! Another dissapointment!

Dear Bruce Springsteen (2)

Hi Bruce,

I think I might as well be as open about this as I can be: our music maker, music listener relationship is in deep trouble. I'm sorry to shock you but I do mean deep trouble. I think we're not yet in the unsafable 'Tom-DeLay's-career' trouble yet, but I'm afraid we are definetly heading into 'Oprah-without-make-up' county.

You see, I thought this thing we had was clearly a win-win situation for the both of us. You sing about how crappy your life used to be, or about how your father doesn't understand you, or how you're confused or something like that and I sing along as loud and out of tune as I can. Occasionally, with my curtains closed, I even might have thrown in some sad airguitar moves (although honestly, is there any other kind than sad ones?).

So, we were having fun.

But lately I fear we've been growing apart. It started with your album Devils & Dust. Although there were some pretty darn good tunes on there a lot of the songs were completely lost on me. And with "a lot of the songs" I am, of course, talking about "Reno" (or as I like to call it "prostitute song nr. 1"), with the completely unnecessary sentence "Two hundred dollars straight in, Two-fifty up the ass" (enjoy that mental image friends!).

Now comes the news that you are to release a Pete Seeger tribute album. Personally, I am not a big folk fan - I can barely stand Bob Dylan when he's not plugged into something - but you performed this album together with a new 17 piece band so I was getting quite interested in this new work of yours, especially when the news came that you were going to do a gig in Amsterdam in a few weeks. But then the ticket price was revealed.

75 bucks for one frigging ticket? Are you out of your mind?? I could have expected this from Rod fucking Stewart, but didn't we all agree that you were the working class man's hero? Granted I'm not that working class to begin with, and I occasionally giggle like a girl but darn it I'm a Springsteen nut and I don't have a lot of money.

So I did some soul searching (and with soul searching I mean watching Dr. Phil bash some fat people) and I've come up with the following solution: I will not go out on saturday to get a completely overpriced ticket, you will do that tour and I will then read fantastic reviews and curse myself for not going after all. After that you will get into the studio, call your E Street Band budies, make an album that is at least half as good as The River and do a big tour with normal priced tickets, and I will then try to be present and scream "Bruuuuuuuuuuuce" at you at an annoyingly high volume.

Deal?

love, boris

PS. You're Italian-American, right? Could you call some maffia buddies of yours and get rid of James Blunt? Grazie!

Dear David Gray,

Hi there!

Before I start, I would like to say that I was planning on writing this a whole lot earlier, but I got the flu. Yet again. This time I spent three days in bed wondering where the hell I was and making up great ideas like "Why don't I make a bed out of a jacuzzi" and "There are words on my wall (there are in fact none) and there must be some logic behind them" (Paging mr. Brown, paging mr. Dan Brown). So sorry.

The reason I'm writing you, is that a few weeks ago me, my buddy the Squirrel, and the Squirrel's Lovely Girlfriend, were fortunate enough to see you perform live in Tilburg. Up until the start of your concert we wondered, maybe too loudly, why the hell you insist on playing there and not go to somewhere civilized like Amsterdam or, if you must, Rotterdam. I have nothing against cities I don't live in - although they clearly lack a certain moi - but Tilburg.... I shall explain.

We arrived a little before 6 pm and started walking towards the city centre for some food and cash machines. Most cities would generally have that, but unfortunately Tilburg wants to be special so neither could be found. In fact, all stores were already closed and the streets were completely empty leaving us, and - being the most Amsterdam minded - me, walking around feeling like we had ended up in an episode of the Twilight Zone (but since none of us could hum that theme song we moved it to an X files episode).

We did manage to get some cash and even to get some food, although we might be stretching the definition a little, and even managed to be right on time at the concert hall. And then we waited another hour and a half for you to actually begin playing but I won't complain, you started on time.

And you blew us away. From the very first word of 'Alibi' to the very last word of 'Babylon'. Your band was amazing, the music was among the best I have ever heard live, and your voice was taking our collective breath away.

Unfortunately something else was also taking our collective breath away; smokers. I dont know why but for some reason a David Gray concert audience - or at least a part of it - looks a lot like a smokers anonymous meeting. Although I am not a very violent person by nature (everybody reading this blog will agree with me on that... OR I'LL BREAK ALL THEIR F*CKING BONES!!!... cheap jokes, can't beat em) I had the urge several times when you were pouring your heart out about this year's love or something and one of the morons lighting up another cigarett to take it and burn their eye, but something told me that might intervere with the concert experience.

After the concert, the Squirrel's Lovely Girlfriend announced she wanted to marry you and with that she pretty much mirrored how all of us felt (well... maybe not the Squirrel, but screw it he's already a really bad metrosexual). However, seeing that open letter marriage proposals generally don't seem to work (Orlando, email me), I would like to ask something else.

How expensive would it be to have you live in a corner of my appartment for a year? You can bring your own guitar, and I might be able to get a piano of some sorts. All you have to do is play some of your songs once a day. Hits or new songs or covers, I really don't care. You can sit in my comfy chair and I'm willing to let you have the bed a few nights a week. Hell, I'll even feed you (not well of course, I'm poor).

Interested? Gimme a call.

Love,
Boris

PS. if you want to you can use the bed-jacuzzi idea for a song.
PS.2. The Dan Brown thing is mine though

music in me

Once a year I torture myself. Ok, I probably torture myself on many ways throughout the year, but considering this particular issue it's only once a year. I don't know why I do it every year, but there's something that somehow forces me to do it again, and again, and again.

You guessed it, it is time to vote for the Top 2000 again.

For those not in the know; the Top 2000 is a yearly thing a Dutch radiostation does to me. The idea is the following; from boxing day to New Years eve this radiostation plays the favourite 2000 songs of the people who voted. You vote by picking your 10 favorite songs from a list they provide.

So far so good. Only problem?

How am I supposed to pick 10 songs out of over 2500 options? There's 5 Zucchero songs alone on the list! 16 Springsteen songs! One Ryan Adams song! 13 Creedence Clearwater Revival songs! God knows how many Acda en de Munnik songs! And I'm not even talking about Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, B.B. King, George Harrison, Johnny Cash, Marvin Gaye, Al Green, Otis Redding, R.E.M., Randy Newman, The Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder, Sting, The Band, U2 and Van Morrison.

Now, it might not quite be in the same category as world hunger, mass murder or Michael Bolton. But it is annoying to me and it's also a good reason why someone should smarten up and give me my own radiostation (come on folks! it's almost Christmas time!).

Anyway, every year again I end up with a list I'm not quite happy with. And every year I tell myself I'm not going to do it again next year. And, well, here we are again. The list below is in random order, and it lacks almost all my favourite songs;

Bruce Springsteen - Born to run

(one of those few songs that you can listen to a million times and it never loses it's power)

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Who'll stop the rain?

(John Fogerty is one of the best song writers in the history of best song writers. I could only pick one CCR track and this is my favorite)

Derek & the Dominoes - Layla

(Plugged. OF COURSE! Eric Clapton wrotethis song when he was madly in love with his best friend George Harrison's wife, you can feel that absolutely horrible 'wanting-to-tear-out-your-heart' feeling of being in love with the wrong person in this song)

Otis Redding - The dock of the bay

(I would have gone for a Solomon Burke song, but King Solomon wasn't on the list (BASTARDS!). This, however, is one of the most beautiful soul songs ever made)

Rufus Wainwright - Beauty Mark

(Great song, interesting guy. Elton John thinks he's the new Elton John)

Ryan Adams - La cienega just smiled

(I fell deeply in love with Ryan Adams because of Gold and it's single New York New York. Since then I've been trying to get my posse (or my bitches if you will) to appreciate him too, sometimes with success. This was the only Ryan song on the list but it's also really beautiful)

Zucchero & B.B. King - Hey Man (Sing a Song)

(Hey Man was on Zucchero's 1988 Blue's album, in 1999 he performed it live with blues legend B.B. King and last year a studio adaption of that performance was released. It's a song about friendship, don't think I need to say more)

Zucchero - Diamante

(Always one of my favorite Zucchero tracks, for more recent emotional reasons read the "Fai piano i bimbi grandi non piangono" post)

Zucchero - Il Volo

(This song is from my favorite Zucchero album, Spirito DiVino, and it was also a big hit in The Netherlands. Which made me hate the song, but then I stopped hating it and now I think it's one of his best songs. If they play the duet version with Ronan Keating however I will personally come down to the radio station and castrate them)

Zucchero - Cosi Celeste

(I love this song. My Italian sucks but from what I get out of it, the song's about how someone can be a complete asshole at times but can do it so beautifully you still love that person. If it's not about that.... please don't tell me).

So, there you have it. Next year I'm so not doing it again.

ELTON!

I heard the saddest story today. Sad, that is, in a "I really shouldn't laugh but I do" sort of way, which, as you may or may not agree, is maybe the saddest of all sorts of sad.

Appareantly, last week in the UK a woman (probably in her early 70's or something) murdered her son. Sad isn't it? Wait, it gets sadder. The son in question, a man in his late 30's I believe, had Down syndrome. When I heard the story the big girl in me (the one I also blame for my weight) let out a big "Awww!".

So far, just sad no laughing. Unless you're really weird.

However, the reason the woman killed her son was the following; for weeks in a row her son had been listening to the same Elton John CD over and over and over and over again while constantly (and I do mean every-few-seconds-without-taking-a-break-constantly) chanting "ELTON! ELTON! ELTON! ELTON!". At a certain point something broke in the woman in question and she did what she did.

The thing is, that I can relate to the mother.

For years my sister, whose heart otherwise art blessed, had a fascination with horrible music. She used to not care at all about musicians untill she fell in love with.... 3T. For hours and hours in a row the absolutely horrific sounds of the Jackson brothers would come out of her room. And, sadly, also into my room. Although it was good to know my sister was no racist, that euphoria soon wore off as I (and my parents with me) realized that 3T songs were sweeter than the average Lionel Richie song (... I know).

Thankfully, like most teenage crushes my sisters obsession with Michael Jacksons nephews soon ended and was replaced by a Leonardo DiCaprio obsession. This was right around the time when Titanic was released and when the movie came out on video, my sister watched it at least twice a week (at her mothers place thankfully). For a moment me and my parents rejoiced. This obsession, which would proof far more lengthy than the 3T crush, at least would not involve music blasting through the house.

Obviously, we had not considered the role Celine Dion had played in the success of the movie Titanic.

Hours in a row "My heart will go on" was blasting through my sisters stereo. And although my father, never the best in historical details, later claimed it was Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" (thereby diminishing the depths of our pain by not remembering the actual song), we were hurting. And, I have to say, if we would have had my sister living with us 24/7, and thereby also playing that song 24/7, while chanting either "CELINE! CELINE! CELINE!" or "LEO! LEO! LEO!". Well....

So Elton boy, may you rest in peace. And if there is a heaven, I'm sure there's more Elton John music there than you've ever heard before.

Let the music heal your soul

I’m a bit of a music junkie (all: No, really?) and from that perspective I strongly believe music is the highest of all art forms. It’s not that I don’t appreciate paintings, statues or photographs, because I do (well, specific photographs). It’s just that at a certain point they just get boring. Books and movies are in the same category as music but, unlike music they are of a more difficult material to work with. A normal pop song generally takes 4 minutes to digest, while a book or movie takes at least 2 hours. It’s true that this means that music can pass you by much quicker than a book, but it also means you can revisit it much easier and more frequently.

The part that I love most about pop music are the lyrics. Granted, not all lyrics, a lot of them are pretty darn bad (all: The Ketchup song!) but sometimes you run across some really nice lines. For some people it’s tough to follow the lyrics, but when you do, the lines do stuff for you. When you’re feeling good they help you feel better, when you feel crap because you’ve been dumped or something, they make you feel… well… less crap. And in case of a light depression (or in my case severe post-teenage angst) it works too, but it’s more difficult.

Problem in that category is that a lot of my favourite artists fail me there in subject matter. Although Ben Folds comes pretty close (“All I know is I’ve got to be/ Where my heart says I ought to be/ It often makes no sense/ In fact I never understand these things I feel” – Don’t change your plans), he loses me when writing about abortion and joining the army. Ryan Adams is a genius but most of the time too self-centred and Jason Mraz is just too darn sweet. Zucchero is God but his songs are all about either being happy because you love someone or being sad because you love someone, which are pretty interesting subjects, but sadly enough in angst- and depression-fighting he falls short.

Which is why I thank God on my knees at least once a month (or in bad months twice) for giving the world Bruce Springsteen.

When you’re down, listening to a Springsteen compilation is like having this guy sitting next to you, hand on your shoulder, saying “Dude, I feel your pain”. Bruce has either been there himself (Human Touch, Born to Run) or he knows loads of people who have (The River, Born in the U.S.A., Streets of Philadelphia, Darkness on the Edge of Town). He gives you lines like “Everything dies/ baby that’s a fact/ but maybe everything that dies/ someday comes back” (Atlantic City), “Will you walk with me out on the wire/ ‘Cause baby I’m just a scared and lonely rider” (Born to Run) and “Roy Orbison singing for the lonely/ Hey, that’s me and I want you only” (Thunder Road), lines which match your mood. But he also gives you “Glory Days”, “Dancing in the Dark” and “Waitin’ On A Sunny Day”, songs that can’t help but cheer you up completely. It’s a bit of an addiction this music thing, but some folks like to use alcohol to fight their problems, I buy Springsteen albums. I'm not sure it'll work forever but for right now it does and at the end of the day, I think we spent about the same amount of money… but my liver still works.

Of course Springsteen occasionally misses a beat (all: If he goes on about Crazy Janey one more time we’ll hit him! With a baseball bat! Hard! And often!) but when he does, he comes right back and hits me between the eyes with something like this:

Now a life of leisure and pirate’s treasure
Don’t make much for tragedy
But it’s a sad man my friend who’s living in his own skin
And can’t stand the company
Every fool’s got a reason for feeling sorry for himself
And turning his heart to stone
Tonight this fool’s halfway to heaven and just a mile out of hell
And it feels like I’m coming home…

Dear Bruce Springsteen,

Before we start the entire semi-funny fake open letter routine I just wanted to say: big fan. Love most of your work, adore your live performances (Live in Barcelona, best live dvd ever!) and Human Touch to me is sort of a personal anthem (which says many sad things about my social life but let’s not go there). Just wanted to get that straight.

Anyway, I’m writing this letter on behalf of the prostitutes living, and working, in Amsterdam. As you might now, considering that you wrote, recorded, and released it, you have a new album out called “Devils and Dust”. It’s sort of an acoustic album based on a bunch of different life stories and, although that entire idea sounds cornier than the next Freddie-Prinze-jr.-still-playing-a-teenager-movie, it works pretty neat.

The title track for instance is a beautiful song about an American soldier in Afghanistan, Iraq, or wherever you people are these days, wondering what “if what you do to survive / kills the thing you love”. Other tracks are about a young boy losing his mother, Mexican immigrants trying to cross the American border, a boxer at the end of his career and Jesus (it’s an American thing, isn’t it?). God knows what All I'm thinking about is about but that one is my personal favourite on the album.

So far, no problem. However there is one song, and here the girls come in the picture, which is a little more problematic. In the song Reno you sing about a man having sex with a prostitute (presumably in Reno). Although it’s not quite Penthouse material you are pretty graphic in the song which has caused some controversy in the US, more specifically the lyric “ ´Two-hundred dollars straight in, two-fifty up the ass´ she smiled and said”. Although I do think it’s a bit of a cheap lyric the girls themselves don’t really have that much of a problem with that part of the song. But then again they are (what for it!) pretty cheap women (ba-da-dum-tsjing!).

The problem also isn’t in the part at the end of the song where the man and the woman have a drink afterwards and the guy thinks to himself “It wasn’t the best I’ve ever had, not even close”. The girls would like to point out that most of the people they get are stoned or drunk so they don’t really remember anything from the entire thing anyway. Most men will probably wake up the next morning with a hangover and an STD not really remembering anything from the night before. Which I suppose makes the STD a nice souvenir they can give on to their wives. Also, as one of them said, “It’s not like you’re so fucking great”.

Their problem is with this part of the song “She poured me another whisky”. As one of the prostitutes (a woman I totally made up and decided to call Betty-Sue for no reason whatsoever) said “I dunno what them fancy women in Reno do with whiskey an’ all but here in Amsterdam we ain’t doin’ none of that stuff. You’s lucky if ya get a glass of water baby!” (why she talks in a fake Southern accent I don’t really know…. it’s probably a female thing).

So to conclude: the girls would like to ask you if you could refrain from singing that whisky part during your European performances. They’re afraid that men get the wrong idea about visiting prostitutes and they would like to point out that it’s just as it has always been: it’s still about abusing illegal immigrant women who would get beaten up or even killed by their pimp if they don’t do what he tells them to do (without whisky).

Oh and on a personal note: do an E-street band tour next year!

Adios!
Boris

Ps. I guess you don’t know Michael Bolton either do you? You’d think someone would….

Funeral

For some reason I’m slightly obsessed with the music that will be played during my funeral. Not that I’m planning on dying anytime soon or that I expect to really enjoy my funeral myself. In fact it’s not even a depressed moments thing (those moments I spent alone at home with the curtains closed singing ´I’m a rock´ by Simon and Garfunkle while OD-ing on candy) it’s just this weird thing I have. Also, I’m a drama queen.

In my defence, I’m not the only one who has a ´funeral songs list´, I know at least one friend of mine who does the same thing (but I suspect she does do it during her ´I am a rock´ moments) and my grandfather has a list too (but then again he’s 91). Plus it’s not an actual list, like on paper or something, it’s more of a mechanism in my head that goes `This would be so cool for our funeral´ when I hear a beautiful song I love. Which, being a music junkie, means I must have hundreds by now. I’m not too sure yet what will go and what will stay but I’ll probably end up with a couple of Zucchero songs, one or two Bruce Springsteen tracks (Atlantic City is a must), perhaps something from Ryan Adams, Eric Clapton or Joe Cocker and maybe, if I’m still funny when I die, ´Burnin Hell´ by John Lee Hooker.

Problem is that there are a couple of do’s and don’ts concerning funeral music. First of all you can’t go too mainstream. ´Tears in heaven´, though a very beautiful song, is a big no-no because everybody does it. You don’t want people yawning their way through your funeral. Same goes for ´Who wants to live forever´ and that Andrea Bocelli song by the way. They might be acceptable if you really really really love those songs but in that case I’d record a video message to be played at the service explaining your choice to be on the safe side. (which, on the plus side, will give you the chance of saying: `If you´ll see this, it means I´m dead´ which will make it all worthwhile!).

Being funny with your songs is allowed but too funny is frowned upon. For instance ´Only the good die young´ is fine when the dead person involved died old but ´Beautiful Day´ might be a bit over the top, although you could probably still get away with it. However ´Hell is for children´ is just plain creepy. The jury is still out on taped performances by stand-up comedians but if that’s acceptable I’d go with some David Sedaris or Bill Hicks.

But at the same time the music can not be too cheerful. It doesn’t all have to be sad and depressing music but the people coming to your funeral should end the day with the overall feeling of ´How are we ever going to live without him?´ not ´It was so good to hear Brown Sugar again!´ and ´I’m so glad whats-his-face picked Everybody Needs Somebody To Love, I haven’t danced like that in years!´. Too poppy isn’t good either. I mean, face it: It might be fun music to sit in a bar too but do you really want people to remember you as `the guy that had ´Hit me baby one more time´ on his funeral´? No, I didn’t think you would.

All of this brings me to a personal do or don’t for my own funeral that I just can’t quite figure out: a bunch of male strippers singing an a-capella version of ´Chama-chameleon´…. Be honest: too tacky?

Ipod

I've reached an absolute low toy wise.

...

No not THAT kind of toy you sick bastards, technical-play-thing-toys. As any normal music addict the thought of an MP3 player with between 4 to 20 GB is almost erotic to me. All the music I have ever loved in one little thing that I can carry with me everywhere I go... screw sex, gimme an I-pod!

Unfortunately money is a little tight right now so getting one of these thingies has been on the backseat for a moment which was fine really. That is, as long as people I know didn't have one and parade around with one.

Enter my mom.

That's right, my mom. The woman who many times told me that, and I quote, she finds my dad's computer "scary" sometimes, got an I-pod. Sure my dad bought it for her but that doesn't change anything. She. has. an. I-pod. before. I. have. one.

Of course I'm allowed to play with it so I walked around the house listening to Zucchero songs I uploaded for her (the "scary" computer is also the one she needs to upload stuff to her Ipod, see, SEE! I am a fairly ok son). So far the sound quality isn't that great, the computer programme you need to upload the songs only works on Windows XP which I don't have at home and most importantly her Ipod is pink.

God I want it.....