Coughing hell

I feel one of those old fashioned rant posts coming up, so if you're a fan of one of those... goodie!

It all started about two weeks ago with the flu. Most people who know me will testify that I get the flu a lot. The flu and me, we're like this. We're friends, buddies, homeys if you will. We can, and will, hang together for weeks, maybe even months. Usually nobody gets hurt and I have a good excuse to lie in bed in the afternoon and watch Oprah (you go girlfriend).

Sadly enough, this time, the flu evolved into some weird other thing. First it moved upwards to my throat where it tried to choke me in thin slime (I never said it wasn't going to be a disgusting rant, okay). When that failed, it moved downwards to my chest area where it sticked around for a few days. The result was constant heavy coughing, some fever, and pain during breathing, which, as you may know, is something you do quite constantly while alive.

In short; problem.

The problem was magnified by the fact that the combination really hit me the hardest on saturday night. Although the Netherlands is one of the wealthiest countries per capita in the world, if you need a doctor in the weekend, you're screwed. Either you can try calling one and end up with that always helpful 'take an asprine and call me on monday' advice, or you can go straight to the ER (and since George Clooney left, who honestly cares).

So I coughed my way through the weekend and figured I'd call my doctor on monday morning, get an appointment for monday afternoon and figure out if I was going to live or not. Obviously, I forgot about the Dutch health system and it's prime problem; the assistent.

I started calling the doctors office around 8 AM and found the line was busy. I called again at 8.02 and found the line was busy. I called again at 8.07 and found the line was busy. I kept calling every few minutes untill 10.02 when the phone was finally answered and... I was put on hold. I was kept on hold for another 10 minutes until finally my doctors assistent answered the call. Jubilation!

I explained to the woman in question that I would like to make an appointment with my doctor (I should explain my doctor shares her practice with a few other doctors, thereby insuring in theory that someone can always help you, continue). The woman told me my doctor was on vacation.

Right.

Now, I have no problem with my doctor taking a, no doubt well deserved, break every now and then. She should, it's healthy. But why is it that in the last year I needed my doctor three times and all three times she's on vacation. What kind of evil plot is this? Does this woman plan her trips just around the time I am most volnerable for disseases?

Anyway. I explained to the woman that I then would like an appointment with her replacement. She told me that there were no replacements but other doctors also filling in for my doctor.

"Fine" I told her "I would like an appointment with one of them then".
"Only if it's urgent" she said "What are your complaints"
I explained the problem. The woman did not sound impressed.
"Do you have fever?" she asked.
"Not all the time but every few hours, yes" I answered.
"Temperature?" she informed
"I don't know" I told her "I don't have a thermometer"

The woman was silent for a moment. "How" she began "do you know you have a fever then?". You could hear her celebrate her personal victory on the other side of the line. I retaliated by telling her that, no, I could not give her exact numbers, but I could feel whether or not I had a fever. "No, you can't, because sometimes people say they have a fever and then it turns out they don't. So you can't".

I was stunned for a moment. Was I supposed to get into a discussion on fevers and if you can feel them with her?

"Okay, so maybe I do not have a fever. I have a serious complaint anyway, can I get an appointment?"
"No. We have to know if it's serious or not"
"It is"
"We have to know if you have a fever"
"Right now, I don't but sometimes I have"
"What you should do is buy a thermometer, take up your temperature and call me in the afternoon"

Now, my people generally likes bitchy women. We like them because we don't have to date them but when they start screwing us it stops being funny.

"Look" I said "I want an appointment, I can do any time today or tomorrow"
"I can't schedule you in for tomorrow"
By now I could see her as some human flesh eating African dictator, such was her character.
"I want an appointment"
".... Fine, tomorrow, 2;10 PM"

For the first time in quite a few weeks I was not quite sure what to say.

--
Anyway, turned out the coughing is just a virus and I got some pills that should stop it. Only problem; they make me really sleepy, so I'm not allowed to drive. Or touch machines. Goodie.